Jenn’s Neighborhood

Personally, whenever someone does this bumping of fists thing, it doesn't make me think of anything but the Wonder Twins ("Wonder Twin powers ACTIVATE!")

From Chuck, the local paper guy:

wonder twin powers, activate!

I have a very low threshold for emotional pain. This is probably due to having a chemically depressed mind as well as being a highly sensitive person in all ways. All of my senses are heightened. I have amazing vision, probably better than 20/20 and I notice things that most don't. I probably hear at about 5db across all frequencies. I wouldn't be surprised if I heard at close to 0 db. (ok, I'm in the field...basically this means damn good hearing in comparison to the norm). So, you get the point...

Well, emotional pain is here again. Each time something crushing happens, I think the next time should be easier to deal with. This is not the case. It's worse. My mind does not know how to deal with this rationally. It's a sudden feeling of doom. It feels so inescapable that there are only two choices for me. Sleep or suicide. I can't function. I can't be a mom, I can't be a person. I am not there. I want to escape the prison that is pain. This is where depression emerges again. My mother is in town. She hears me on the phone. She's heard this before. The me that is stifiled by pain. No eating, a lack of desire to do anything at all except sleep. She tries to pry me up "C'mon, you need to do this for Tay". It's not as if I don't want to. It's that I cannot. I can't explain this to her. I just say, "I know I do."  I do know I need to, I just don't have the tools to at the time. My mind is trapped.

The dread:

Tomorrow is the 4th. I have to function somehow. My family is 'counting on me' to be there, putting on that happy face among too many people celebrating one of my least favorite holiday's of all when I feel completely ill.

My eyes are swollen. My head is pounding. Everything is crashing down when I have everything 'going for me'. Ugh how I hate that statement. "oh, Kris, you have SO much going for you". Well, then why do I feel so empty?.... 

to config Adblock Plus so that I can still reply without disabling it totally? I've used just the regular Adblock but switched when I went to FF3 b/c it wasn't supported (I think it is now)...and its a pain to disable it every time.
I guess I can switch back to regular Adblock...if need be.
Thanks to any/all the smarter than me peeps!

I hate heavy perfumes or body products.  I don't wear perfume much, or scented body products.  If I do, I like things like lavendar (my fave!) or low-key earthy scents.

I especially don't like Bath and Body Works.  I used to get down with it and I know a lot of people love it, but it's just not my cup of tea. 

Well, I shoulda been paying attention to the anti-bacterial on my co-workers desk when I asked her to use some.  Cus it is Bath and Body Works and it is heaavvvvvvy!  UGH!  It's going to the back of my throat and into my nose and I'm already kinda sickly, so it's making it worse!  And it won't go away.

Beggers can't be choosers; co-worker was kind enough to share (whereas I don't keep my products on my desk, cus I'm selfish about those things).  But still. 

I smell like a teenage girl getting ready for a date or something. 

Today we had our Christmas in July celebration at work.  We had lots of soul food and fun. The VP of IT gave us all 25 dollar gas cards and sent us home 2 hours early.

This song goes out to a cool VP. while he stayed and answered the help desk phones.

13 - Roll All Day

Ice Cube

"In the movies we have leading ladies and we have the best friend. You, I can tell, are a leading lady, but for some reason you are behaving like the best friend."   - The Holiday

Stiff by Natalie Dee 7032008

My mother never lied. Having a kid does change your body.

I'm inching closer to 30. It doesn't "snap back" like it use to. Trust, I still have the curves and the strut to match, but it takes me a bit longer to get it together when going out or even getting out of bed.

Though I still feel young and spunky, my mornings and sometimes late nights may suggest otherwise. I really haven't been sleeping well at all. I'm so like my mother or at least how she use to be. I don't function well until late evening into the night. When normal mammal species have sense enough to knock off to bed no later than 11, I'm up as if it is broad daylight. I'm starting to sense the Snickerdoodle is picking up this habit as well. I TRY to keep her on her sleep schedule; basically in bed no later than 9 pm.

What bugs me, I go to bed late and wake up early as if I do have a normal 9 to 5 to rush to. Granted, some days are chock full of errands, motherly things, a couple of writing projects to start or complete and lets not forget whatever duties I have to contribute to these renovations; i.e. more packing and bubble wrapping.  Still why do I not like not to sleep or can't sleep?

So here it is, almost fifteen minutes after four in the afternoon. I'm dragging. My feet are aching from standing on non supportive shoes while packing up the rest of the kitchen. My back aches from lack of sleep or sleeping wrong. My side muscles even ache a bit!  I'm yawning, cause I didn't get to spend the required 8 hours in "La La Land."  I've had no bath today, so I'm covered in 1970's and 80's dust. My hair is a mess and right now I don't seem to be getting any help from my folks. Mom is out running errands and my dad is on a retired-dad-union-break, which roughly translates to having a cold beer or two while watching that horrid Cleopatra movie on cable with Elizabeth Taylor.

Sorry, can't get down with Liz Taylor playing an Egyptian Queen, a woman of color.

My cousins are asking if the Snickerdoodle and I will make a recital in which another little cousin is performing in. I highly doubt it. I just want to be in my corner of the world for a while. Only the Snickerdoodle is invited.

I lost another cousin a couple of days ago. I keep wanting to call my cousin "J" to see how he is holding up amidst the lost of his grandfather. Hopefully, I'll get around to it tonight. Damn why did this have to happen so close to the family reunion - which is in another month or two.

Right now I long to be with Nisha as she traveled back to her native New Orleans. She went back home to participate in and enjoy the Essence Music Festival. This will be the first year that she has ever gone to a concert during the festival. Even more lucky, she's going to the show in which Jill Scott will be performing - lucky chica.

I haven't been in New Orleans since pre-Katrina; once in 1992 and again in 2002 or 2003? The city never struck me as a must-come-and-stay place, even though there is a certain charm to it. I am curious to see how much progress is being made since Katrina. I still shudder at some thoughts about the whole event.

It's getting close to five and near the time I should be making the Snickerdoodle's dinner.

I need to take her on more play dates as well. Just this past Monday, we spent time with my cousin T and her niece and nephew. T and I took the kids to a nearby park. While the other kids went up and down the slides, the Snickerdoodle held her "court" on the swings. She didn't want to get off. I spent the whole time pushing the Snickerdoodle and watching her giggle herself silly.

On another note, my mother showed me the few pictures from her conference she attended last week. Needless to say, my work I did with her social organization's chapter and the group of 6th grade boys was on display. More reviews. I can't wait to join up with this project again for next year. Maybe I should think about joining this group and stop being a shadow or ghost.... aka consultant of some sort.

I'm seriously dragging today.

Noooooooooo. Not another email.

I am expecting at least one email concerning an article I pitched. I was told it's usually a four week turn around for a response. This has only been like the third week.  

Hoe hum.  

In a way I'll be glad when the computer and internet is disconnected until the phone lines are moved. I've been too wired lately; literally and figuratively.  I'm starving to get get back to basics.

Just me, some paper and a pen.

hoe hum

On a seriously real random note.... I think I've developed a small crush on Keith Olbermann. I REALLY need to stop watching MSNBC.

WOW.. Olbermann is an Aquarius... no wonder. 

*big smile* 

This Water Barer is ....out.

Violator3 uploaded this image to flickr, click the image and follow the link to the original page

And I descend from grace

In arms of undertow

I will take my place

In the great below.