This is most likely complete overkill on self portraits today... but they were all in my phone from last night. I was trying on dresses for a high school reunion (not mine) that I am going to next week. I thought taking pics would help me decide which one I liked better... um, it didn't... ended up buying two and will decide later I guess. Hoping I can lose a few more pounds before it creeps up. Time to hit the gym!!
And then here are a couple of me this morning on the way to work... I didn't have any patriotic wear for the 4th... so I thought I'd show some love to our troops and wear my camo hat today.
How much does a ticket cost at your usual movie theater? Does the price affect the number of movies you see at the theater?
I go to the Barrington 30 (So. Barrington, IL) cos' they are the most comfy and there's a nice, sort of country drive to get there. Nice in the summer, especially. Plus the theatre is tricked out pretty well. Lots to ogle. No expense spared on the coming features paraphernalia. (That Chimps in Outer Space movie looks stupid.)
We saw Wall-E last Sunday evening. Almost ten bucks US. Nine-seventy-five, full admission, $7.75 for matinées. Spouse likes to buy discount tickets from Costco. Using them makes it possible to see movies anytime for the matinée price, which to answer the question, wouldn't keep me away from a film that I want to see on the big screen.
Next must-see should be The Dark Knight unless there's a Depp movie or something on impulse.
Gratuitous JD pic:
All you see is my smile
the laughter in my words
my eyes sparkle and crinkle
lines of laughter around my mouth
they tell the story of many joys
looking at me, you may not see
the pain hidden deep inside
behind the eyes too knowing
within the laughter are tears
the smile covers the pain
the words that can never convey
a lifetime of disappointment
broken promises, a bruised heart
you see joy and i feel despair
the humor I show hides the anguish
i sit alone in a room full of people
knowing that hope is dead
love is a farce
and tomorrow's shadows
only bring more of the same
more of the pain
and yet, you won't see
anything but a smile and grin
the emptiness hidden
behind a curtain of lies
There is a waterslide park not too terribly far from my house. It’s a profanely unhygienic place that charges you sickening amounts of money for the very seasonal privilege of contracting a staph infection from their brightly colored inner-tubes. The prodigious entry fee also affords you access to a plethora of other areas where the various tasks of parting with huge wads money, exercising your immune system, and testing your fortitude (both physical and mental) are transformed into a methodical, almost scientific process. Take the family to a water park one time and you’ll never bitch about the lawn damage caused by a Slip 'N Slide again.
Summer is officially upon us – well, those of us in the northern hemisphere, anyway – and that means that we will soon be seeing the frenetic, seizure-inducing television ads for this local waterslide park of which I speak. This is a serious problem when you have young children. The practiced parent comes to loathe the water park commercials every bit as much as political ads and previews for the next episode of JAG. We hate the water park commercials because once the little urchins see the shiny inflatable swim-toys, colorful rides, and faux nautical scenery, the only way to stop the relentless pleading and badgering that ensues without giving in to their demands is to kill them.
I am fortunate and infinitely thankful that both my kids are finally at an age where they have better things to do than stand in line on damp cement with a thousand strangers who may or may not have recently wet themselves just to enjoy thirteen seconds of sloshing down a slope of running bleach-water. But for those who have kids at the age where taking them to a water park is going to be better than the grisly alternative, I have the following bits of hard-collected knowledge to pass along, if you care to read on.
1. Get Yourself Swim Trunks with Deep Pockets
Look, a day at the waterslides is going to cost you. Prepare for this by avoiding the movie theater and eating only ramen for a few weeks. This strategy has the dual effect of both saving money and making you capable of actually appreciating a water park chilidog. And believe me, when you wait a half-hour for the opportunity to pay seven dollars for a hotdog with congealed Sloppy Joe sauce slathered on it, the last thing you want to do is lose your appetite. It’s complicated, I know. Just trust me on this. Take a lot of money, and in order to maximize it, be very hungry.
2. A Locker is Not a Safe
You may be tempted to rent a locker so you don’t have to carry your towel, sunscreen and car keys with you everywhere you go. And that’s fine, as long as you’re able to stop there. Do not, under any circumstances, become convinced that leaving your massive cash reserves in a water park locker is an intelligent, viable option. It is not. One look at the key itself should be your first clue. Any thinking person will note there’s nothing that key can do that couldn’t also be accomplished using a 3/8” standard screwdriver. Well, I guess the screwdriver would be harder to hide up inside a body cavity for smuggling purposes, but then, who the hell smuggles 3/8” standard screwdrivers?
Do not worry about getting your money wet. When you decide that corn chips covered in vulcanized American cheese are starting to sound good, go ahead and slap your sopping sawbuck on the counter with confidence. If anyone gives you a hard time over its dampness, just wait until they pick it up and then smile and coolly reply, “Yeah, sorry about that. I stood up after taking a dump and all my money fell in the toilet.” If they instinctively drop the bill in disgust, then you can safely assume they’re so slow they probably don’t even realize they work in a water park. Take your paper tray of “Neptune’s Nachos” and walk away because, at that point, it’s really not worth waiting for the fifty cents change.
Now, obviously, if you’re wearing a swimsuit without pockets, you may find carrying your money around problematic. That brings us too...
3. Invest in a Pair of Water-Socks
The reasons for covering your feet at a public water park are numerous, but if you want to enjoy the better rides and slides, you can’t have shoes with laces or hard soles on them. I’m not sure why this is and every time I ask a water park official about it, all they ever say is, “Because laces and hard soles are fruity and stupid.” I don’t think that’s a very reasonable answer, but maybe that’s why I never built a massive water park empire.
Anyway, besides making a great place to keep your money when you are pocketless, water socks also protect the bottoms of your feet from that stabby texturing they put in the walkways to keep hyperactive children and drunken people from slipping. And if the pointy pavement isn’t assaulting your feet, then neither are the legions of malicious and aggressive microbes that typically abound wherever large groups of wet, half-naked humans congregate.
Water socks also hide your hideous toenail fungus.
4. Suggest the River Rapids or Wave Pool
The most important thing to keep in mind is that children possess nearly limitless energy. If you want to get out of that wretched place before sundown, you’ll need to take an active roll in wearing them out. Allowing them to spend most of their time standing in lines for rides that last no time at all is going to get you nowhere fast. It is advantageous to do your best to steer them toward longer rides that require a bit more physical exertion.
Generally, any ride that requires an inner tube will suit this purpose, as these will be the rides that offer the participant an active roll in increasing the fun factor by thrashing about like a lunatic and paddling to beat hell. The giant wave pool is also a good choice because constant movement is absolutely necessary at all times in order to stay afloat and once they're in the middle of that undulating mass of bodies and water, it’s practically impossible for them to get back out. When they do finally make it back to “shore”, offer them some chilidogs and nachos, then suggest they take a nice soak in the jacuzzi. With the right combination of suggestions perfectly timed, you can get them to drain their batteries long before you start thinking you should’ve gone with the filicide option.
I thought I'd better participate in this group, since [Connie] was nice enough to invite me.
I really wanted to pimp my girl J, cause her posts are my favorite of any... and this week was no exception. She says some funny shit. But most of her stuff is private, atleast the good stuff is. Ha. So I had to dig a bit more into my hood to find a good quote.
This week I am going to shout out to PapiChulo. This has got to be my favorite quote about politics on Vox. EVAH. Word Papi... word.
"Fuck this shit. I'm voting for my dog. "
In honor of Canada Day, show us your favorite Canadian.
Wow! There could be so many choices!
The obvious one is this one.
He was a great dad, an excellent human being, subset, Canadian.
This is one of the videos the kids watched today in summer school elective driver's education class.
The kids are about halfway through the course, after which here in Illinois there is another 6-7 months before they/my son can be licensed with the heaviest restrictions in the country for new driver's. Go Illinois. It's funny, because if I may get tangential a bit, some surrounding states have some of the loosest laws on the books for various people-controlling situations. Some state laws have left me slack-jawed with how little they seem to worry about kids driving a lethal weapon with a truncated amount of driver's training. It's a situation by situation call but sheesh, the Chicago area is strict! I'm completely happy however, to have non-farm living kids defer driving as long as they need to. A couple years driving experience is what is required here in Illinois before a kid under the age of 18 can drive on an unrestricted license. Age 18 is when they have full freedom behind the wheel. In fact, at age 18 one needs no driver's training whatsoever to obtain an Illinois driver's license--just take the easy written and basic driving test test and voilà! no matter how bad of a driver you are--you too can get around on four fast wheels!
I'm glad my kid is low-key by nature because he's very serious about driving--but doesn't seem nervous at all--just very focused. Being so new at this, he's slipping up here and there, making too abrupt a lane change, sometimes forgetting his signal that he is changing lanes but I must admit it's kind of fun to be side by side when he drives at night for the very first time as we did coming home from Wall-E Sunday night. Overall, I know he's doing tonnes better than his unfortunate driver's ed. partner, a young lady who has a strong chance of not passing the course (though it makes no difference to the state if she passes or fails--she proceeds the same way my son will).
Son says the scariest thing his driving partner does is make turns into oncoming traffic (!) The driving instructor has grabbed the wheel a couple of times due to that. Son also reports that the young lady doesn't seem to be a good judge of knowing when to stop in time before hitting the car in front of her so the instructor has used his passenger -side brake numerous times. My son says hs "can always tell when he's using his brake because his leg jumps and it (the stopping) feels different." I just am a bit flabbergasted that my son has gone for multiple drives with this girl and had to sit in the back seat with no power what.so .ever. to correct what must be a pretty intense situation. :/
One last thing. The video above is graphic by US standards. In fact, outside of driver's training class I've never seen such a public advertisement. My feeling is that the United States government is too cozy with the American automakers to put out something so blatantly a warning about how dangerous operating a passenger vehicle is. Service to the public interest? That's to be chuckled at. The video is not, however-- you've been warned.
How it works: Write an entry of any length or style using five assigned words. Bold the five words. Tag your post with 5wordchallenge and any other tags you wish to add.
This week's challenge words: carpet, jury, pasta, shapeless, whey
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Sitting cross legged on the floor of my children's room, feeling the synthetic material of the carpet irritate my legs, we sorted through books trying to decide which one would be best for our bedtime storytelling.
How about some nursery rhymes kiddos?
What are nursing rhymes mommy?, asked Nate
Rhymes that are told to little kids for them to learn from and memorize. I still remember my favorite one when I was a little girl. (and it's NURSE-RY... not nursing).
Ooooo what is it? Tell us mom!, exlaimed Jenna bouncing up and down on the floor next to me.
Well, let's see if I can remember it, said I, as I rolled my eyes to the ceiling in an attempt to see right into my brain and dig out the dusty old rhyme I haven't recited in nearly 20 years.
Little Miss Muffet sat on her tuffet...
What's a tuffet? asked Jenna
A little cushion you sit on, I replied
Like a pillow?
Yes, just like a pillow... but pillow doesn't rhyme with 'Muffet'... so that wouldn't work.
Oh.
May I continue?
Sure.
Little Miss Muffet sat on her tuffet eating her curds and whey...
Whey? What the HECK is that? Jenna asked incrediously as Nate giggled and rolled on to his back on the floor.
It's some kind of porridge I think. But wondering to myself what it was...
Like Goldie Locks and the Three Bears porridge?
Yes, exactly like that.
What's porridge? Is it pasta?
Sigh. It's kinda like oatmeal or grits or something. I am not entirely sure... I've have never had any.
Oh.
May I continue?
Yes.
Little Miss Muffet sat on her tuffet, eating her curds and whey. Up came a spider and sat down beside her...
A spider? Mommy, spiders can't SIT. They don't have BOTTOMS. They are all legs.
Sigh. You are absolutely right Jenna. I'll be sure to pen a firmly worded letter to the author and explain the lack of logical writing his nursery rhyme has. Maybe I should turn him into the authorities for a lack of clarity in his writing? Would you like to be on the jury that condems him for his lack-luster rhyming? May. I. Continue. ?? !!!
Um, sure, but I think this is a stupid nursing rhyme mom.
Bedtime story time is becoming quite annoying to me at this point... my bed, grown-up book and glass of wine are calling to me... I just want to get this done with and go get some rest myself. These kids don't seem ready to let me though.
Like I was saying.... Little Miss Muffet sat on her tuffet eating her curds and whey. Along came a spider, sat down beside her and frightened Miss Muffet away.
I got through it! Thank. You. God. I could feel my glass of wine in my hand and the soft mattress beneath me already... not much longer now. Pleased with myself... I looked at both of my children with a smile on my face, proud that I still remembered all of it.
They looked at me with an expression of confusion and boredom. That's it?
Okay... okay... so it was really only my favorite NURSERY rhyme because of the beautiful illustration in the book I had growing up. Miss Muffet was very pretty and wore a gorgeous fluffly dress as she sat on her big red satin pillow. I guess it was more the drawing that I liked.
Where is the drawing in that book,?, Jenna asked as she pointed to the nursery book in my hands.
I looked down and flipped to the table of contents, found the rhyme. Jenna and Nate scooted closer to me to peak over my shoulder at the twenty-first centery version of the poem. A lack-luster illustration stared back at us. Sitting there in a shapeless dress on a flat little pillow was our modern version of Miss Muffet. Muted tones of yellow and green. It reminded somewhat of what you find on the inside of a baby's diaper... not something to spark imagination and wonder.
She has yellow hair. I like yellow hair mommy, said Nate
That's about the only thing she has going for her, I thought. Looking at Jenna, I could clearly see her disappointment.
She certainly isn't as attractive as the little Miss Muffet in my book.
No kidding! said Jenna with a giggle. She needs a makeover!
I chuckled at the though of Miss Muffet in the chair at our local salon and said, Okay time for bed monkeys, as they climbed into my lap and on my back giggling. I could feel their energy levels rising, ready for some tumbling on the floor.
WHAT?! NO! WE WANT OUR BEDTIME STORY!
We aren't tired yet!!
Sigh. That glass of wine was getting further away by the moment. The carpet was leaving embossments on my legs.
What do you think we just spent the last half hour doing?
Listening to your stupid nursing rhyme, grimaced Jenna.
Yeah, it was 'tupid mommy. We read 'piderman 'tory intead? Nate asked as he batted his long eyelashes at me and smiled sweetly.
NO! The Princess and the Pea Mommy!! exclaimed Jenna
Sigh. So much for wine, book and bed.
Okay get up in bed and hunker down... I'll read both. Give me a kiss first.
Happy giggles are better than wine anyways.
--------------
This story was based on actual events. Do not attempt this at home. Trust me, your children will think you are lame too.
150 years ago today, the theory of natural selection was first presented to the public.
It is most interesting to note that not one but two scientists had discovered natural selection completely independently of one another. Charles Darwin and Alfred Russel Wallace did not know one another beyond professional reputation and Darwin only became aware of Wallace’s theory on species transmutation after he received a letter from an ailing Wallace, requesting his theory be handed over to Charles Lyell, a highly respected scientist at the time, for possible publication in a scientific journal.
Darwin, who had already conceived his theories on natural selection years prior, was nonplussed as to what to do with this new paper from Wallace. He asked Lyell and another friend, Joseph Hooker, what to do. It was decided that Wallace’s paper would be presented along with a couple of Darwin’s writings on the same subject to the Linnean Society of London.
On July 1, 1858, the presentation was made and while Wallace later complained of the manner in which the information was presented, a major event had occurred in the world of science that paved the way for mankind to begin truly understanding its origins.
So, as you cut your steak away from the bone tonight*, consider the notion that there was a time when your ancestors ate a lot more vegetation than meat. Then think about that worm-like organ called the appendix and how today it is totally useless. Finally, consider the lizards of Pod Mrcaru and how, in just 30 years, they developed completely different digestive systems to accommodate a higher abundance of plants as food.
I don’t know about you, but when I think about the implications of all those things, it makes me wanna shout: HAPPY BIRTHDAY NATURAL SELECTION!!! You’re still as smart and sexy as you’ve always been!
*I ask my vegetarian peeps to bear with me; I’m making a point.
.... blessings that is.
I had my indulgence in self-pity. Time to brush off the dust and get back on my feet.
One thing that was kinda cool from Nate's party is that I met another single mom. I wouldn't say we will be best friends or that we even have that much in common, but it will be nice to have someone to get together with and let the kids play (her son is in Nate's preschool class).
This morning I opened my email and she had included me in an email distribution that seemed timely for me. I'd never seen it before, but thought I'd share it with my voxers (as we all struggle from time to time, that's one of the things that connects us):
"Appreciate your shortcomings for where they have brought you. Then release them and be free to rise above the limitations. Savor the disappointments one last time and remember all you have learned from them. Then let them go and eagerly look forward to new and fruitful experiences. Sincerely and completely forgive those who have brought you pain, including yourself. And feel the healing that immediately takes hold. Be truly thankful for having been through so much. Then get busy creating the best of what can be. Let go of the useless drama that is already over. Hold on to the positive value that you've gained from it all. Always there are new possibilities to explore, new ways to grow, and new worlds to experience. With each new now, the world is filled with fresh opportunities to be."
Things I LOATHE:
- Self-pity
- Crying
- Feeling alone
- My fat gut (ha)
Things I LOVE:
- The few true blue friends I have left
- Bubble bath with a glass of wine and listening to my itunes
- My trainer and my gym
- Friends that tell me like it is... honestly but lovingly
- Knowing without a doubt that I deserve more from Life
- Having the determination to achieve everything I want
- Watching old black & white movies until I fall asleep
- Emails from school friends catching me up on their life
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